Support when you need it most

Hello My Healing Warriors, last evening we had our very first narcissistic support group.  And all I can say is WOW.  Let me take a minute to share a little about it for those who couldn’t make it.   It was a small intimate group that gathered at the studio at 7pm.  The evening started off with snacks and beverages and a bit of getting acquainted with the space.  I also like to have some paints and colored pens etc on the table for those who might be like me and need to doodle while we chat.  Once we settled in the discussion went right into how narcissists behave - what is considered abuse and what they do to “make us crazy”. Many know that “the silent treatment” is abuse.  But do you really understand what that looks like?  It was a big topic of discussion last evening because when someone who you are supposed to be in an intimate relationship with doesn’t respond in a timely manner to lets say a text or phone call it is in fact abuse.  I am not talking about the husband who doesn’t text his wife while he’s working or out on a worksite, with clients or in meetings.  I’m talking about the boyfriend or could be girlfriend who doesn’t respond at the end of the day when that was your routine.  Or once they get out of work and have time choose not to call you back or text you etc.  No I may get some flack for saying this.   But you know yourself that if you are in a close relationship and you adore that person they are the first one you are going to respond to.  This is called RESPECT, LOVE, KINDNESS and the general showing that you care for that person, you are thinking of them.  Because you know if you don’t respond when you can and are able to it’s going to hurt them and you “feel” their hurt as your own.  I don’t want to get much deeper into this because I could show examples all day but the problem occurs when 2 or 3 times the person responds right away or in the expected period of time that has been established in your relationship and then here and there and then more and more frequently they no longer adhere to that expectation that you both set as your “norm”. They are now spiking your cortisol levels and creating a trauma bond once they finally respond and your dopamine spikes.  And that is one example of how a trauma bond forms.  

We talked a great deal about trauma bonding and how to break it.  I have a link below that. You can click and download a list of journal prompts to use if you are in a situation where you are needing to break the trauma bond.  

Download Journal Prompts

I created this group because when I finally got out of my last narcissistic abusive relationship, I had been isolated from support.  This is often the case because in order to keep you under control they need to isolate you.  I also know that healing doesn’t happen alone, it happens in community.  This group is the safe container I needed but didn’t have, and probably one thing I have created that is nearest and dearest to my heart.  Last night was proof of what I knew in my heart all along that we need others who have been through similar traumas to be witness and acknowledge our stories are real.  There were tears shed and laughter as well and everyone left feeling seen, heard and bit better than when they arrived.  This support group is for anyone who has experienced any kind of abuse  If you want to join us we meet on Monday evenings from 7pm - 8pm in the studio.

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Until next time stay Wild!

~Soulfully Wild